While the sole purview of The Male Harem is not sexual (see The Male Harem FAQs) there’s nothing like a fueled libido to give a woman a  kick-ass pov on life. And when the idea of gathering a harem was just a twinkle in The Sultanette’s eye, fate provided the ideal fueling in an early acquaintance.

The following, an extant document penned before I was encouraged to make The Male Harem anonymously public as a blog, was experienced after crawling out from sixteen years of well-intentioned fidelity with One and Only to rediscover the raw pleasure of being appreciated from end to end.

It coincided with reading Erotic Capital, a meaty book by Catherine Hakim, sociologist and professor at the London School of Economics (who has since followed up with The New Rules: Internet Dating, Playfairs and Erotic Power, on the soon-to-read list). Hakim defines erotic capital as a cocktail of sex appeal, presence, vitality, and social savvy that attracts success economically, professionally, socially, and romantically. She argues that its cultivation has been undermined, especially for women, who are given the message that exploiting feminine wiles is tacky. Hakim is an equal opportunities basher of chauvinists and feminists in her indictment that “the politics of desire has led to women losing out across the board.”

Sometimes we women don’t have to be a work-in-progress but a work-in-prowess of the sex kitten kind. When the pleasurable stirrings of that early Male Harem encounter churned up a tsunami of aroused desire, zeal for the moment, sharpened appetites and an overall orgiastic grin, life started responding in every way. Is there any better petri dish for cultivating erotic capital than the perfect affair?

In that spirit, The Sultanette shares the aha moments below, not out of a need to convey some notch-in-her-belt bravado, but to suggest that there are side effects of the adroitly choreographed mixing of minds and bodily fluids that might outweigh its headliner, guilt. That its ultimate complicity lies in a corporal and cerebral tangle that doesn’t need to be unraveled, codified or demystified. That instead of dissecting the lizard brain in relentlessly unsexy couples counseling, it might sometimes be better to let it bask in a hot blinding sun. Here are ten top reasons why:

1.  You’re kissing again. (Remember kissing, veterans of til-death-do-you-part relationships? The teeth-knocking, tongue groping, lip-sucking kind that loses currency as soon as the male gains exclusive license to getting into your pants?)

2. You have no qualms about spending lots of money on clothes that are going to be taken off asap.

3. You’re on a first-name basis with the girls at the lingerie store.  (Remember lingerie, veterans of above relationships?)

4. You know you look fabulous because you’re smiling at yourself in the mirror too often.

5. You know you’re a sexy beast because you’re being told so by somebody who is fascinated by you.

6. You’re spending more time in the shower and in sex shops.

7. If you’re married, you’re no longer wasting your energy winning the battles that leave you feeling defeated.

8. You’re recycling your newly excavated erotic energy into things like ruling your world.

9. You’re tolerating those moments of loneliness that happen in every life whether you’re married or coupled or even having a perfect affair.

10. If you’re feeling too lonely too often and you’re not experiencing any of the above, you’re ending the affair. You’ve begun to take each other for granted in which case you might as well get married.

The Male Harem welcomes your additions to this list. And as your mind meanders to the sensational, let’s go out with a Kiss courtesy of Prince and Entourage …