09/16/15

Space Travel: The Sultanette Guide To Wanderlust

Cocottes,1905, Axel Torneman, repro PD Posse Stryngford.
Cocottes,1905, Axel Torneman, repro PD Posse Stryngford.

The Sultanette has survived harrowing abandonment, deplorable betrayal, and world-class hangovers. Despite enough bad behavior to raise a nun’s eyebrow, I’ve managed to get home in the morning with keys, credit cards and lip gloss. To quote French tart and woman of letters, Colette, “What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.”

But who has time to reminisce? Now that The Male Harem has fueled my wanderlust, I’ll be heading for Mars on SpaceX as soon as Elon Musk offers in-flight Wi-Fi. Meantime I’ve signed up for another X-related adventure this fall. Read more . . .

07/14/15

Why Men Lie

Dishing with my colorist one day while getting a dose of honey blond highlights at a Mad Ave salon, we got on the subject of why men cheat on women. (I always build his invaluable gay man Male Harem advice into the extortionate cost of age-defying maintenance there.)

Joey’s brilliant take on men’s hot pants surprised even The Sultanette. Men cheat, he said, not because they can’t keep their dicks idle or because they can’t help from snacking on a pair of ripe melons or beefy buns. They cheat, he said as he foiled me up like a Christmas tree, because they like the intrigue.

06/14/15

I’ll Have The Snippy French Waiter, S’il Vous Plaît!

Waiter at Marly, Sultanette fave Paris haunt, Zoetnet.

Since when did it become impossible to enjoy lewd verbal foreplay at lunch, or a nooner if you’re getting technical? At a snazzy New York watering hole with The Impresario one afternoon, you couldn’t get a smutty word in edgewise between the fanfare required to introduce each course and the endless queries to see if everything was okay.

Like a virgin who has memorized the sex manual, our waiter – or “server” –  had all the right moves and all the wrong timing. I began to feel that I was responsible for his happiness rather than he for mine. Might he plunge into despair if I reported a soggy cheese croquette? He obviously hadn’t picked up on the cue that this lunch was but a snack before the main event – a detail any French waiter would not have failed to miss. Read more . . .

04/3/15

The Things We Do For Love

Cruel Mrs Tyrants Bondage School, Eric,Stanton,1962.
Cruel Mrs Tyrants Bondage School, Eric,Stanton,1962.

Pretzels anyone? Or have you already twisted yourself into one over that romance you can’t live without? Relax and unwind. In case you missed Jo Ellison’s FT Fashion piece a few Sunday’s ago, “intimate is so last season.”

Okay so she was referring to the selfie-snapping rabble at the parties privé for the Alexander McQueen Savage Beauty spectacular at the Victoria and Albert. Nothing to do with our subject. But The Sultanette will never shy from gratuitously poaching popular culture to trick you into dealing with life’s important themes. Are you with me? Read more . . .

03/5/15

Fifty Shades of Spooning.

Martyrdom of St. Agatha, after Sebastiano del Plombo, Welcome Images Trust website.
St. Agatha martyred, engraving attribute A. Van Dyck, House of Gall, circa 1650, Welcome ImagesTrust website.

The Sultanette has bent over backwards and in a million other positions to convey her open-mindedness to your sexual preferences, adventurous readers. Handcuffed, tied down, double dipped, saddled up, one-legged, four-legged – whatever your cup of tea or the Queen of England’s or any of her randy offspring is tolerated on this blog.

But I’m drawing the line with the newest craze sweeping the nation: cuddling-for-hire. According to a 9 January Wall Street Journal piece by Stephanie Armour, “Just Want to Cuddle? Now you Can, for $80 an Hour”, platonic nirvana awaits you if you’re willing to pony up. “I felt transformed,” reported Melissa Duclos-Yourdon of Vancouver, Washington after hearing about it at her book club. Read more . . .