01/26/16

Do You Want Sex Or Düsseldorf?

Prostitutka, Boris Grigoriev, 1917.
Prostitutka, Boris Grigoriev, 1917.

The World Happiness Report is out! In its third survey since 2012, the United Nations reveals the happiest places on earth. Or so they say, reports John Kay in, “Why ‘happy’ is boring.”

I spotted Kay’s piece in the Financial Times Weekend last September, just as I was escaping New York City for three months in England. According to the UN, I had the wrong country. The winner was Switzerland. (We’re getting to Düsseldorf, intrepid globetrotters, restrain yourselves!)

As Kay assesses the findings, “Switzerland is rich, temperate and has some of the most beautiful landscapes in the world. … You feel completely safe in the streets. And yes, the trains run on time.”

“You can have that, I have plenty.” Heidi, Jessie Wilcox Smith illus.
“You can have that, I have plenty.” Heidi, Jessie Wilcox Smith illus.

Security, consistency, and the goodness of nature. That would be enough to seduce any sentient being, right? Isn’t this why so many retirees flock to golf courses? Or babysit grandchildren? But Kay has another take on the Alpine paradise: “Boring.”

Kay’s recent book, Other People’s Money was named 2015 Book of the Year by the Economist, Bloomberg and the FT. In 2014, he was appointed Commander of the Order of the British Empire (CBE) “for services to economics.” But what does a numbs and figs guy know about happiness? Everybody knows money can’t buy it, even though, like sex, we’d still prefer to have as much of it as possible.

Dusseldorf-Benrath, M Stephan.
Dusseldorf-Benrath, M Stephan.

This brings us to Düsseldorf. It comes up sixth in a study compiled by benefits consultants Mercer, and here Kay shows he can look beyond a spreadsheet. “There may be a surer way to end a promising relationship than to propose a romantic weekend in Düsseldorf,” he offers, “but it is hard to imagine one.”

Now we’re getting somewhere, Mr. Kay, or may I call you Johnnie? Do we want Düsseldorf or romance? Rational or sensational? Security or ecstasy? Are we after a livable life or a lived one?

Welcome to Peggy's place.
Welcome to Peggy’s place.

Casting aside polls for people, I invite you to Peggy Guggenheim’s eighteenth century Palazzo Venier in Venice, where her louche, eccentric spirit still lurks among one of the world’s most audacious art collections.

Was she a quirky socialite who slummed with creative types? A serious art connoisseur? A bag lady with a trust fund? A flighty romantic who chased from one lover’s bed to the next?

Peggy’s indomitable originality has always intrigued me, so I recently headed for the Film Society of Lincoln Center to see Lisa Immordino Vreeland’s documentary, Peggy Guggenheim: Art Addict.

I Know, Godromil, Venezia Biennale d’art 2007.
I Know, Godromil, Venezia Biennale d’art 2007.

If you are tempted to assign Peggy the role of Venetian vixen who flaunted her family fortune to play patron and pussy cat with the art crowd, prepare for disappointment.

The film, centered around a taped interview unearthed from a basement cache of books, brings the private Peggy out of her public persona with sympathetic detachment. The woman we see and hear suffered the death of her adored father when she fourteen (on the Titanic). Her certifiably narcissistic mother was no consolation. One of the “poor” Guggenheim’s, she endured the condescension of her posh and supercilious relatives, who disdained her taste in art.

Louise Nevelson and Neith.
Louise Nevelson and Neith.

She had an eye and she would follow her instincts. A young Lucien Freud made his first appearance in a children’s exhibition at her London gallery. In 1943, she organized the first show devoted exclusively to women that included Louise Nevelson and Frida Kahlo.

She was instrumental in the careers of Kandinsky and Motherwell. Not only did she take a chance on the work of undiscovered artists, she provided a stipend for the struggling Jackson Pollock so he could pursue his muse unfettered by the natty demands of survival.

During the war, she staged a brilliant scrimmage to prevent the German’s from appropriating her collection. She later helped put the Venice Biennale on the map. All of this while dealing with love, loss, and a botched nose job.

Peggy’s Palazzo, Jean-Pierre Dalbéra. Fondation Peggy Guggenheim "Torre: a Cor-Ten steel tower, with ogival windows, tracery and turrets in the International Gothic style, on the terrace of Palazzo Venier dei Leoni, overlooking the Grand Canal " http://www.guggenheim-venice.it/
Peggy’s Palazzo, Jean-Pierre Dalbéra.

But then the film asks the ultimate question: Did it make her happy?

Alas, Peggy never found lasting love. (To the question, how many husbands had she had, she was said to reply, “mine or other people’s?”) It’s been suggested that she was looking for too much love on all the wrong mattresses. That her serial romps were a desperate attempt to fill the vacuum left by childhood abandonment.

When the film’s director was asked in a Vanity Fair interview whether Peggy had pursued art as a safe harbor from the personal tragedy in her life, Vreeland responded, “[Peggy] identified with the art and the artists and found solace in all of it.”

Bill at the London Parliament,1995.
Bill at the London Parliament,1995.

A man’s happiness is seldom offered as a criterion of his accomplishments. His sexuality rarely shows up on the scorecard of a fulfilled life. While some may debate the merits of the Clinton presidency, few feel it necessary to analyze whether the skirt-chasing Bill was a happy guy. It is his long-suffering wife that we tsk at for putting up with his antics. It will probably dog her reputation even if she saves the free world.

“I’m a lone wolf,” Peggy says in the film. No apologies. You could say she was lousy at love and a shameless hussy. But must a lack of romantic closure deem her life unfulfilled? Or her sexual proclivity cast a shadow on her accomplishments?

To the growing minority who believe that art is important for life’s sake, perhaps Peggy Guggenheim’s singular passion for championing genius, supporting the unanointed, and risking a fortune on a new way of looking at things, might be enough to celebrate. That’s not about getting trains to run on time but a world that too easily rationalizes the banal might be unlivable without it.

Byron in Venice, Ivan Constantinovich Aivazovsky.
Byron in Venice, Ivan Constantinovich Aivazovsky.

Which brings us back to the United Nations Happiness Report. “Why do so many young people,” writes Kay, “go to London or New York in search of the excitement and creativity rather than the livable?” To answer, he takes us to the Floating City.

“Venice is crowded, hard to navigate, inadequately served by public transport, its public administration is hopeless and its commercial activities are corrupt,” he concludes, “but however often you have visited, the magic remains.”

No coincidence that Peggy Guggenheim made this uncooperative, impious, ineluctable city home. Düsseldorf anyone?

05/19/15

Vienna In The Nude

Photo: TheSultanette
“A place of pleasure for body and soul.” Mozarthaus

They still dress up in Vienna! At the Musikverein, the gilded Neoclassic Greek temple to sound inaugurated in 1870, The Sultanette was put to shame among the goddesses that showed up on a random Thursday night for Mozart, Verdi and Puccini.

I was in Vienna last week on a fact-finding tour solely for your benefit, worldly followers. So join me as The Male Harem achieves what the Ottoman Empire and TripAdvisor could not – invade and conquer this illusive town of lusty charms. Now back to the threads at the temple! …

There was a Doris Day matching dress and coat ensemble, a Tina Turner-worthy number in a symphony of black leather strips falling from neck to stilettos – and lots of black lace in between. Lipstick was red. Bling was rampant. Making an entrance with museum shop bags after a day of  tourist schlepping, I went straight to my seat fearing the peacocks would have me banished for wearing ballet flats.

The Imperial Napkin Fold.
The Imperial Napkin Fold.

Quelle relief I wasn’t invited to a state dinner at the Chancellery where I would have been outdone by the napkins. Since the Hapsburgs ruled over Austria-Hungary, the Imperial Napkin Fold has been accessorizing the royal plate like a fascinator at Ascot. And if you learn the secret they’ll have to kill you because only two people know the technique which they pass on when they die.

I observed the Imperial Fold at the Sisi Museum, enshrined in a glass case surrounded by acres of silver, porcelain, and crystal for every courtly occasion. Sisi is the nickname of the Empress Elizabeth whose trademark diamond star jewelry, I snatched up in Swarovski at the gift shop for a less imperial price.

Photo: TheSultanette
“Sisi, can I come in?” The bell the emperor rang for entry in SIsi’s chamber privé..

Known as Austria’s Lady Di, Sisi was a captivating beauty and fearless horsewoman. Or was she the defiant wife who deplored her evil mother-in-law, ignored her husband the Emperor, and neglected her royal duties after the murder-suicide of her son the Crown Prince? Or was she the obsessive narcissist who favored a uniquely bodice-strangling “tight-laced” corset that constricted breath and blood flow.

Like Sisi, the beauty of Vienna is exquisite and asphyxiating. Voluptuous and haughty. Resplendent and sad. But just when you feel constricted in the tight-laced manners, officious smiles, and patronizing gentility, all the clothes come off.

"Hold Me Anyway" Tracy Emin at the Leopold.
“Hold Me Anyway” Tracey Emin at the Leopold.

There are nudes galore at the Leopold Museum – embracing, fucking and full frontal. At the exhibition “Where I Want To Go” (April 24-September 14) artist Tracey Emin, referred in an FT review as the “new generation of feminists” credits her inspiration to brilliant bad boy Egon Schiele, who exposes himself on the walls in self-portrait.

Though separated by one-hundred years, Emin shares Schiele’s “fondness for the spontaneous moment” and his “fragility of being.” A series of her black and white sketches titled “Hold Me Anyway” throb with the tentative thrill of the erotic present. Schiele’s semi-clothed portrait of a woman suggests a caught interlude of passion on the run.

Photo: TheSultanette
Love on the run? Egon Schiele at the Leopold.

The Viennese pretend it’s easy to find where you want to go.  “Just take a left and two rights and you’re there,” they assure. What they don’t remind you is that the city is a circle, so there is really no left or right, only tacking and jibing. When the kindly maître d’ at Purstner, home of the ultimate Weiner schnitzel, pointed this out I was especially grateful since The Sultanette had just consumed a slice of breaded veal the size of a Frisbee and was preparing to waddle back to the hotel.

Photo: TheSultanette
Bed check, Hotel Imperial.

For the rest of my stay, I tossed the map and applied a life lesson: If you go in enough circles you eventually get to your destination. So when the concierge at the Hotel Daniel told me that the Belvedere Palace was just out the door to the right, I was dubious. How could that ponderous edifice share the same hood as my hotel, a cheery slice of eccentric chic and global goodwill? Travel Tip: Unless you’re lucky enough to have a night of sin at the sumptuous Hotel Imperial (The Sultanette cannot live on schnitzel alone!) there is no smarter spot than the Daniel for its friendly vibe, cheeky atmosphere and comfy digs.

The Kiss, 1909, Gustav Klimt, Osterreichische Galerie Belvedere.
The Kiss, 1909, Gustav Klimt, Osterreichische Galerie Belvedere.

But on to the Belvedere which appeared just around the corner as predicted. I fired up the museum’s audio device and began the trek along its gilded walls, cavorting putti, and marble halls documenting Napoleon’s treachery and demise. (Speaking of dressing up, the Austrians love their armor, on display at the Bibliotek.) Nearly numbed by military regalia and missing the unembellished passion of entangled flesh at the Leopold, I wandered into the next gallery and there it was. Man embracing woman. The primal swoon. “The Kiss” by Gustav Klimt.

Photo: TheSultanette
Sigmund at the MAK Museum.

I joined the crowd gathered around it like the Mona Lisa at the Louvre and punched in the audio device for some edifying art speak. But this city where Freud, Kafka and Wittgenstein parsed the meaning of sex and life in cafés that celebrate them to this day, was not about to spoonfeed predictable romantic pablum into a museum recording.

This Kiss, said the voice, represents sexual ambiguity. The woman’s face is turned away from her lover, not in ecstasy, but in conflict between submission and rejection. Say what? How could this love icon reproduced on notepads, tote bags, refrigerator magnets, scarves and umbrellas symbolize rejection! It wasn’t just a painting, it was a brand. And forget about the rest of the world, we Americans don’t like our brands tampered with.

Even the French treat us better in their City of Love! Unlike the Paris café where you are left alone to people-watch or read the Herald Tribune, the Viennese café demands due diligence. Choosing one begs a knowledge of which philosophers, writers, artists or profligates hung out where. A degree in military history is helpful when selecting your pastry, as in the Sacher Torte, created by Franz Sacher for Prince Metternich in 1832. And ordering coffee – brown or strong, milk steamed or frothed, cream on top, bottom or side –  requires cracking a Napoleonic code.

On my last afternoon, tired and hungry after taking in the ruins of Ephesus and four centuries of harmoniums at the Bibliothek, I limped past a shop window filled with fancy pastries. It was the Gerstner, appointed imperial court confectioner in 1873. While I yearned for Yankee comfort food that didn’t have a 200 year pedigree, I needed a sugar fix.

Photo: TheSultanette
See, Hear, Taste, Touch, Smell. FIve Nudes, Hans Makart, Belvedere Palace.

I entered the polished marble and varnished interior and took in a confounding display of museum-quality confections in a glass case. Too exhausted to discriminate, I chose a pink petit four for the price of Sisi’s crown jewels. Back out on the street, I peeled away its pleated paper doily and bit into the marzipan shell. The sensation was immediate and astounding. Between my fingers was a mini-wedding cake. Three tender layers of vanilla separated by three layers of creamy sweetness crafted to sensorial perfection for an emperor’s royal palate.

Vienna’s rigidity rankles. Its elegance intimidates. Its stunning beauty is always just out of reach. I had pursued it with cognoscenti, paramour, and incognito. I had invaded its concert halls, churches, castles, cafés, galleries and museums. Yet it had remained maddeningly unyielding. And then in one spontaneous moment of desire satisfied, I found Vienna melting in my mouth.

03/5/15

Fifty Shades of Spooning.

Martyrdom of St. Agatha, after Sebastiano del Plombo, Welcome Images Trust website.
St. Agatha martyred, engraving attribute A. Van Dyck, House of Gall, circa 1650, Welcome ImagesTrust website.

The Sultanette has bent over backwards and in a million other positions to convey her open-mindedness to your sexual preferences, adventurous readers. Handcuffed, tied down, double dipped, saddled up, one-legged, four-legged – whatever your cup of tea or the Queen of England’s or any of her randy offspring is tolerated on this blog.

But I’m drawing the line with the newest craze sweeping the nation: cuddling-for-hire. According to a 9 January Wall Street Journal piece by Stephanie Armour, “Just Want to Cuddle? Now you Can, for $80 an Hour”, platonic nirvana awaits you if you’re willing to pony up. “I felt transformed,” reported Melissa Duclos-Yourdon of Vancouver, Washington after hearing about it at her book club.

Kamasutra, Welcome Trust Images website.
Kamasutra, Welcome Trust Images website.

Those seeking a career in canoodling have a hotbed of opportunity. In Highland, New York, Kimberly Kilbride banishes her pit bulls to the mud room to bear hug clients in flannels at $400 a night. In Madison, Wisconsin, The Snuggle House had so much traffic the police were called in, though it seems nothing incriminating was found except a pair of Dr. Denton’s.

At the Cuddle Connection in Roseville, California, you can crank back on a La-Z-Boy with a specialist in a velour leisure suit. Samantha Hess got a few marriage proposals through her storefront shop, Cuddle Up To Me, in Portland, Oregon, where she offers 50 cuddle positions at $1 a minute. Even the Kama Sutra has been updated. According to the WSJ, professional cuddlers can consult “The Cuddle Sutra” for positions like Cheek to Cheek, Come to Papa and Sardines.

Les sirenes visitees par les muses, Adolphe Lalyre.
Les sirenes visitees par les muses, Adolphe Lalyre.

Looking for a cuddle around the corner? There’s an app for that! The location-based Cuddlr, launched last September with 240,000 downloads will let you know who needs a squeeze in proximity. According to founder Charlie Williams, between 7,000 and 10,000 subscribers respond daily to its siren song, “Ever just want a cuddle?”

Cat Hug, Léon Perrault.
Cat Hug, Léon Perrault.

Don’t get me wrong, The Sultanette is a sucker for a good squeeze. The Good Ex and I could cuddle all night long. At a bargain $15 for a case of Turkey and Giblet dinners, I bought my way to years of orgiastic snuggling, purring included, with my Persian, Oscar Wilde. Even emotional Neanderthal One&Only nuzzled up.

But is our American compulsion to quantify, categorize, and commercialize squeezing out the natural urge for fleshy pleasures? The couples’ counseling industry loves to sanitize sex with psychobabble. Want to get banged by your husband? You’re really seeking “intimacy.” (“Yes, Doctor, I know it’s important for Bill and I to channel our sexual energy through tantric communication but is it okay to get a sweaty, messy, sticky pounding once in awhile?)

After twelve years of being rightsized by the good Sisters of Sinsinawa, The Sultanette has no excuse to ascribe to the above. Sex was for procreation and saved for a husband. Aside from frustrating the hell out of a few Sigma Chi’s in college, I was ok with that. Then there was The Pill. After graduation, I moved to Chicago, signed up for estrogen liberation and waited to see what happened.

1280px-200508-DSCN0310One night, a guy who was none to willing to guide me along this course looked me in the eye and said, “You like this.” (His exact words censored.) And I realized, well yes I did! I liked it because it felt good. I liked it because it was more fun than going to the Chicago Museum of Science and Industry. Most of all I liked it because it transported my constricted, restricted, up-tight, prudish, controlling nature to a place only sex could take me. The state of abandonment.

There are rules for a due diligent snuggle. You must be 18 years or older. Touchy but no feely. At the world’s first cuddle convention, Cuddle Con, launched on Valentine’s Day (along with the world premiere of 50 Shades of Grey) a 30-minute Consent Class was required “to teach people how to communicate their needs … How to say No and Yes.” In an interview with the Oregonian, founder Samantha Hess told Kasia Hall that along with classes and seminars her “open snuggle” and “puppy piles” would offer enough cuddle-love for “singles, couples, and everything in between” but would include “only stuff that is appropriate to do in front of your grandma.”

Study of Hands, circa 1715, Nicolas de Largilliere, Louvre.
Study of Hands, circa 1715, Nicolas de Largilliere, Louvre.

Curious to see if the convention got off better than Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey (described by one reviewer as “an emotionally crippled narcissist no one could love”) I checked OregonLive for a follow-up report. There was a G-rated slide show. Along with somebody wearing a bear suit who bore a striking resemblance to the Badger mascot at University of Wisconsin football games there were lots of inanimate bodies lying intimately all over the floor with lots of hands stroking, rubbing, tickling, squeezing and massaging them. One hand petted a man’s semi-bald head.

Da_Vinci_Vitruve_Luc_ViatourIn The Male Harem, acquainting myself with a man’s anatomy is no longer based on dating or mating, family or friends. Pressing flesh is more instinctive than obligatory. But it’s never arbitrary.

One evening over a needlessly expensive bottle of wine at  Gramercy Tavern, a new harem member looked at me with mischief in his eyes and asked, “What do you like?” I thought about this for a minute. I like exploring where two bodies take each other. I like the snap and crackle of intelligence. I like a man who knows what he wants and surprises me. I like not having a check list. And I wouldn’t let just anybody pet my head.

Then again … what if The Snuggle House gave such good cuddle you’d no longer be able to get off on it unless you paid?

01/26/15

Venice Anyone? A Foolproof Guide To Getting Lost And Loving It.

unnamed-1Like a skillful lover, Dream of Venice stirs the imagination, exposes irresistible eye candy and cultivated charms, then leaves you chomping at the bit for a go at it. So before you pack up your masks, lacey underthings and unmentionable paraphernalia (TMI!) for a caper in the Serenissima, BETWEEN THE COVERS recommends you take a ramble through this guide to getting lost in love – of an entrancing city, yourself, and/or the one you’re with. Trust The Sultanette! The only other itinerary you need is your fantasies.

By now worldly reader, you’ve correctly deduced that this is no Travel Guide 101. It is Venice experienced at its best – aimlessly, sensually, and open to enigma. A true cognoscente, editor JoAnn Locktov offers no table of contents or page numbers to mark your way. Just excellent companions like Peggy Guggenheim, Marcella Hazan, Woody Allen, Claire Bloom, Julie Christie, Patricia Highsmith, and Erica Jong.

Writers and poets, architects and anthropologists, sommeliers, sopranos, and glass masters share personal experiences of Venice. Each literary nugget, provocatively paired with photographer, Charles Christopher’s luscious images, creates a visceral flash of déjà vu.

unnamed-3Open the book to a random couplet: Christopher’s image looks up from a gondola through the windows of a façade dulled by centuries, to a patch of luscious, painted ceiling where putti dance bathed in golden light. “I looked up at these rooms illuminated by enormous chandeliers made centuries earlier in this very city,” says interior designer, Matthew White. “They didn’t sparkle like the crystal chandeliers of Paris – the Venetian chandeliers glimmered with a dim luster like the inky water that held us aloft … “

I was there! A not-so-blushing young bride, not yet The Sultanette. I was in that gondola, looking up into those rooms, wondering what plot was unfolding there. A cabal of ancestral Venetians sipping Grappa? A clandestine interlude between two desperate lovers? Surely there could be no normal in these monuments to exquisite decadence.

unnamed-2We had just moved to Paris – brand new husband, the Good Ex, and I. No one was more in love. He’d had the brilliant scheme of spending our first Christmas in Venice at the Hotel Danieli. Looking back on the crooked line of impressions and images – there is no straight and narrow in Venice – the memories vibrate: A late afternoon lunch at Harry’s Bar – the woman at the table in the window wraps herself in a mink-lined trench before making her dramatic exit. The trickery of passages ending in reward – a fresco encrusted scuola, a plate of freshly cut pasta, a tiny shop of handmade soaps. Every moment shared in the glow of togetherness, like putti dancing in the glimmer of romance.

“Many people consider [Venice] the city of love,” says Alberto Toso Fei, descendent of an ancient family of Murano glass masters, “for others it represents a place of mystery and magic. His words in Dream, accompany an image that teases the wanderer to stray to a place that “becomes visible only as it moves into another dimension, free of constraints of space and time … “

unnamedI returned to Venice a lifetime later – after the Good Ex and I had gone back to New York, gone our separate ways, and One&Only had stepped in to fill the togetherness gap. A woman I’d met through a couple we double-dated with had invited me to visit her there – just us girls. I jumped at the chance to revisit heady memories.

Fuzzy from the all-night flight, I managed to find my way to her door through an ancient stone archway at the end of a narrow calle, past a neglected garden, down a dark passage and up a steep flight of stairs that opened into a vast room of sprawling couches and curtained windows looking out on the Grand Canal.

unnamed-4Every morning I woke up to the gentle slosh-slosh of Venice outside my shuttered bedroom. Every day, armed with my friend’s crib notes, I invaded a new corner of hidden pleasures. Every night I took my place at her dining room table. We talked of my day’s discoveries, our past marriages, and life in New York City, as her smiling housegirl served tortellini and her cats looked on.

I was on the other side of the windows now but what I found was a side of Venice that couldn’t have touched me with the Good Ex when I was intoxicated in romance. There was a melancholy I sensed now, more shrewd than sad. A bittersweet understanding that it’s not love but surviving life gracefully that gives a city, and a woman, her poetry. When I returned to New York I began to know that the fifteen-year love with One&Only was over. I also knew the singular pleasure of losing myself, alone in Venice.

unnamed-9“The ghosts are restless,” murmurs Erica Jong’s poem Dream of Venice where Lord Byron and Tintoretto make appearances along with the pickpockets dancing at San Marco. “It is all a stage set for our dreams as we wheel and turn thrashing up our pasts.”

On one of my last mornings in Venice, I stepped out onto my friend’s veranda to dry my hair. Leaving the hushed, dim interior, I was met with a feast of sound and light. The grumble of boat engines and ripples of laughter mixed with the bright haze deflected from a million tangled streets of water. As a gondola drifted by, the couple in it looked up and smiled. Leaning over the veranda, wet-haired in the sun, I waved back at them.

“… I am laying bets on love again,” Jong’s poem concludes, “at least for now. Temporary, permanent, Who can say? I cast my dice for life. & the ghosts reel backward – & are gone.”

unnamed-6I continue to love men – my male harem. I revel in their attentions and am seduced by their deceptions. I learn from their intelligence, take joy in their wit, strength in their mettle, and am beguiled by their mercenary charms. But I don’t want to belong to one. And I still dream of Venice – the city that cloaks its mist around you yet remains always just beyond reach.

Dream of Venice, photography by Charles Christopher, edited by JoAnn Locktov. A portion of the proceeds will be donated to Save Venice Inc. to support vital art and architecture restorations in Venice.

This is one in a series of book reviews for BETWEEN THE COVERS. For the true tale of an 18C Venetian love affair see The Male Harem post, What Happens In Venice Stays in Venice.

12/11/14

CULTURE SNATCH Visits Mme. Cézanne

SultanetteSeatingChart1Verboten in The Male Harem is the query, “Where have you been?” It smacks of time squandered obsessing over another’s absence that might be better spent doing twenty pushups or slowly sipping a very dry martini.

That said, if you still dare to ask where I’ve been, you obviously haven’t visited CourtneyPrice.com where The Sultanette, along with unveiling juicy tidbits on male maintenance (Inspired by The Sultanette), threw a fantasy dinner featuring infamous rogues alive and dead, as depicted here by the artful Ms. Price.

Frivolous socializing, you say? Think it’s easy to make small talk with Machiavelli or out-snark Roger Sterling? Then there’s The Male Harem risk factor of committing to the companionship of exquisite transients. In that sense, a romantic dinner is not unlike a love affair – or a marriage for that matter. When the stimulating conversation peters out and the clothes that were tossed off in the heat of passion are untangled, we retreat to our separate worlds.

The Sultanette Saturday Night at the Met.Living solo in the company of The Male Harem continues to nourish. But like any behavior not endorsed by the cabal it requires the occasional psychological selfie: How ‘my doing? Does this float? Is it still safe out here? Has the park closed? So when I learned of the exhibit on the portraits of Madame Cézanne, a lifelong intimate outsider in the artist’s world, I hightailed it to The Metropolitan Museum of Art.

The Sultanette revels in the privacy of the Met.On a Saturday night, naturally. The Met is open until 9pm on weekends allowing visitors to actually see what’s on the walls and feel its vastness. Where else in New York City on a Saturday night could you escape cell phones and long lines and see and be seen by no one? After years of this practice, I’m amazed at what a City insider’s treat it remains. I always love spotting the tweeded-out Upper Eastside septuagenarian couple on their Met date, help off for the night.

The Sultanette views the Met holiday tree.Admittedly on this Thanksgiving Saturday there were holiday ogglers at the tree to negotiate. But devoid of schmaltzy canned Christmas tunes the spirit of the season prevailed at the nativity. And speaking of women living outside the line, if the Blessed Virgin couldn’t find more acceptable amenities than a lean-to with manger plus shepherds and three dusty kings for paparazzi, Mother of God!

Photo of Young Woman with Loosened Hair by The Sultanette.Which brings us back to the portraits of Hortense Fiquet, aka Madame Cézanne. The first was painted two years after they met in 1869 when she was nineteen and he was thirty. There is a nubile innocence in this “Young Woman with Loosened Hair” that never reappears.

Between that portrait and the solid gaze in “Portrait of Madame Cézanne in the Conservatory” painted twenty years later she has been his most painted subject. She has also birthed his child, there have been acrimonious separations, a secret marriage, and upon learning of the liaison, Cézanne’s banker father has threatened to disinherit.

The exhibition neatly sums up this “lifelong attachment” in a single sentence, describing the woman who “profoundly influenced [Cézanne’s] portrait practice for more than two decades” as being “not well received by either his family or his friends.” Yet over those twenty years she sat before him, still for hours, letting him pour over her every angle and inflection. Watched. Composed. Made art of.

Photo of Cezanne Red Dress series by The Sultanette.Referring to his red dress paintings from the 1880’s, the show quotes Cézanne, “Only I know how to paint a red.” But Hortense is no Madame X. She neither flirts nor defers to the man who commands her presence. For all the silent and not so silent indignities she must have absorbed, she appears neither broken, self-righteous, nor embittered. Unscathed by the rancor of petty minds she sits, hands folded, eyes fixed on a distant place.

Cezanne sketch book, photo The SultanetteWhat anchored her? Was it knowing that unlike the domineering father and dismissive friends, she had a piece of the artist no one else could touch? That only she had felt those silent hours of undivided attention when Cézanne reached for his deepest passion? With all our clamor for lasting connections, it was enough to immortalize.

Madame Cézanne can be seen at the Robert Lehman Collection, first floor of the Metropolitan Museum of Art through March 15, 2015.

CULTURE SNATCH is a series on The Sultanette’s ramble among the arts. Watch for BETWEEN THE COVERS book reviews and DICK OF THE WEEK commentaries on notable or notorious males in the news.