06/14/15

I’ll Have The Snippy French Waiter, S’il Vous Plaît!

Waiter at Marly, Sultanette fave Paris haunt, Zoetnet.

Since when did it become impossible to enjoy lewd verbal foreplay at lunch, or a nooner if you’re getting technical? At a snazzy New York watering hole with The Impresario one afternoon, you couldn’t get a smutty word in edgewise between the fanfare required to introduce each course and the endless queries to see if everything was okay.

Like a virgin who has memorized the sex manual, our waiter – or “server” –  had all the right moves and all the wrong timing. I began to feel that I was responsible for his happiness rather than he for mine. Might he plunge into despair if I reported a soggy cheese croquette? He obviously hadn’t picked up on the cue that this lunch was but a snack before the main event – a detail any French waiter would not have failed to miss. Read more . . .

05/19/15

Vienna In The Nude

Photo: TheSultanette

“A place of pleasure for body and soul.” Mozarthaus

They still dress up in Vienna! At the Musikverein, the gilded Neoclassic Greek temple to sound inaugurated in 1870, The Sultanette was put to shame among the goddesses that showed up on a random Thursday night for Mozart, Verdi and Puccini.

I was in Vienna last week on a fact-finding tour solely for your benefit, worldly followers. So join me as The Male Harem achieves what the Ottoman Empire and TripAdvisor could not – invade and conquer this illusive town of lusty charms. Now back to the threads at the temple! … Read more . . .

04/3/15

The Things We Do For Love

Cruel Mrs Tyrants Bondage School, Eric,Stanton,1962.

Cruel Mrs Tyrants Bondage School, Eric,Stanton,1962.

Pretzels anyone? Or have you already twisted yourself into one over that romance you can’t live without? Relax and unwind. In case you missed Jo Ellison’s FT Fashion piece a few Sunday’s ago, “intimate is so last season.”

Okay so she was referring to the selfie-snapping rabble at the parties privé for the Alexander McQueen Savage Beauty spectacular at the Victoria and Albert. Nothing to do with our subject. But The Sultanette will never shy from gratuitously poaching popular culture to trick you into dealing with life’s important themes. Are you with me? Read more . . .

03/5/15

Fifty Shades of Spooning.

Martyrdom of St. Agatha, after Sebastiano del Plombo, Welcome Images Trust website.

St. Agatha martyred, engraving attribute A. Van Dyck, House of Gall, circa 1650, Welcome ImagesTrust website.

The Sultanette has bent over backwards and in a million other positions to convey her open-mindedness to your sexual preferences, adventurous readers. Handcuffed, tied down, double dipped, saddled up, one-legged, four-legged – whatever your cup of tea or the Queen of England’s or any of her randy offspring is tolerated on this blog.

But I’m drawing the line with the newest craze sweeping the nation: cuddling-for-hire. According to a 9 January Wall Street Journal piece by Stephanie Armour, “Just Want to Cuddle? Now you Can, for $80 an Hour”, platonic nirvana awaits you if you’re willing to pony up. “I felt transformed,” reported Melissa Duclos-Yourdon of Vancouver, Washington after hearing about it at her book club. Read more . . .

01/26/15

Venice Anyone? A Foolproof Guide To Getting Lost And Loving It.

unnamed-1Like a skillful lover, Dream of Venice stirs the imagination, exposes irresistible eye candy and cultivated charms, then leaves you chomping at the bit for a go at it. So before you pack up your masks, lacey underthings and unmentionable paraphernalia (TMI!) for a caper in the Serenissima, BETWEEN THE COVERS recommends you take a ramble through this guide to getting lost in love – of an entrancing city, yourself, and/or the one you’re with. Trust The Sultanette! The only other itinerary you need is your fantasies. Read more . . .